by Debbie Johnson
(Chicago, IL, USA)
Scene: I’m in the large school gym for 2 hours, listening to a lecture that does not relate to my profession. Sitting on crowded bleachers; the gym lights blazing into my eyes; the annoying sounds from the speaker using the old microphone & sound system, teachers giggling & whispering, which they think no one can hear; what’s that smell?, oh chewing gum, and now I smell it. Oh, if the heightened sensitivity in my ears, eyes, and nose didn't have to pick up on these nails on a chalkboard details.
Take another sip of my vanilla soy latte; that usually calms me down, and sometimes will kick the pain away, but not today. Not this morning. Look in my purse, dig through my purse, where is it? Oh good, here it is. Click, click, this one for the nausea, gotta take that one right now. Where’s that water? In the car; guess I’ll use my coffee. Now, this pain, click, click, yes! Take one and a half of those; so hard to break, snap. Shouldn’t take much more since I’ll be driving, but at this point I don’t care. Mine as well take this one too, since the physician assistant says it’s best to use the ones that are long term. I just want it to stop now, but fine, click, slurp. Hhhhhhu, push on my head, here, here, back there, oh if I could just push right here with something harder could it go away? Right…here… above my right eye and right next to my nose, and here just under my skull in the back, and here in my shoulder, the back of my right shoulder. Ugh, dull and sharp pain. What is this person talking about anyway? Get out my pen & pencil; I have to focus on something else.
Here’s my brain, just so you know, hurting terribly, SO terribly. Now here’s what it looks from the inside. What if I had a drill, didn’t that help people in the past? All the spots that hurt, drill there the most. Probably not. It’s kinda like this, a big watermelon and an axe, right THERE is where it started hurting! If I could just have a big pitcher of thick liquid, like a gel, that I could pour over my head and make the pain go away. Like it’s putting out a fire. Now what? None of that is actually possible, I know, so here’s my pills. Yep, this one and that one, I know the sizes and shapes so very well.
Finally, I think this person is wrapping it up. Let me out of here so I can drive up to my doctor’s office to get shots. None of these meds are working. Oh, there's the gals, what are they up to?, laughing & smiling, oh going to get some lunch; wish I could join them. They smile & wave; I barely can lift my cheeks up for a smirk. Guess I’ll catch up with everyone another day, whenever that may be, I don’t know. Head down, walking dizzily to the car. Uuuh, here we go, stop, don't move...blackness, warmth, wait til it passes... there, ok, walk again. Got up too fast, the sun, should've eaten food, or none of the above, just how it is. Click, scroll, beep, beep, beep, Hi it’s Debbie, yeah hi, can I come in to get injections still today? Oh good, see you soon…
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